Lowbie Story - Revision history

Thanatos at 17:11, 8 January 2010

2010-01-08T17:11:26Z

Makk at 14:08, 8 January 2010

2010-01-08T14:08:28Z

Scott at 01:46, 8 January 2010

2010-01-08T01:46:24Z

Scott at 01:44, 8 January 2010

2010-01-08T01:44:56Z

Makk at 20:40, 7 January 2010

2010-01-07T20:40:07Z

Scott at 02:59, 7 January 2010

2010-01-07T02:59:40Z

Scott: moved Lowbie story to Lowbie Story

2010-01-07T02:59:26Z

moved Lowbie story to Lowbie Story

Makk at 00:39, 7 January 2010

2010-01-07T00:39:16Z

Makk at 00:20, 7 January 2010

2010-01-07T00:20:36Z

Makk at 00:06, 7 January 2010

2010-01-07T00:06:49Z

@@ Line 18: / Line 18: @@
 Time passes slowly in the endless darkness, the blood coagulates into a brown crust  as the hours go by, until a blinding light pierces the “night” followed by a gentle whine.
-A Women’s voice cut thru the whine
+A Women’s voice cuts through the whine
 “Scanning…”
@@ Line 61: / Line 61: @@
 He attaches his radio to his belt and plugs the head set into his ear, hearing the voices of the others around the hive.
-He doesn’t bother speak but grabs his glasses that lie beside him don them, and remove the torch from his mouth.
+He doesn’t bother to speak but grabs his glasses that lie beside him, don them, and remove the torch from his mouth.
 He slowly pushes himself up and drunkenly walks out of the alley, hitting into a few walls in the process.
@@ Line 73: / Line 73: @@
 “no? ok then” he whispered to himself.
-“Good” he thought ”no-one to try kill the cripple”
+“Good” he thought ”no-one to try and kill the cripple”
 He glared at his arm willing it to work again, but continued on his journey after a minutes of fuming.

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{cleanup|Redesign}}
 <i>[[Lowbie Story Part 2|To read Part 2 click here...]]</i>
@@ Line 13: / Line 12: @@
-The Base of the Hive, rich with the stench of waste, rising from the drains dotted down the “street”, a street consumed with darkness and haunted by silence except the squeaks of rats and other creatures.
+The Base of the Hive, rich with the stench of waste, rising from the drains dotted down the “street”, a street consumed with darkness and haunted by silence except the squeaks of rats and the other few inhabitants of the area.
 Crumpled within one of the dark alleys lies a corpse, a corpse of a teenager, previously known as “Makk”.
@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Makk’s body began to tremble violently until he arched his back and taking a shuddering breath, he slumped back down opening his eyes to a blinding light burning his retinas.
 He raised his hands to block the light, failing as one hand barely blocked the light and the other hit him in the face.
 The light began to dim and Makk’s eyes adjusted to see the smooth hovering form of a revive unit, specifically type .2.
@@ Line 53: / Line 54: @@
 he continued to punch his arm a few times feeling nothing still.
 “Bugger”
-he fumbled around the pouches in his jacket for his flash light and sticking it between his teeth as he searched for his radio and headset.
 He attaches his radio to his belt and plugs the head set into his ear, hearing the voices of the others around the hive.
-He doesn’t bother speak but grabs his glasses that lie beside him done them, and remove the torch from his mouth.
+He doesn’t bother speak but grabs his glasses that lie beside him don them, and remove the torch from his mouth.
 He slowly pushes himself up and drunkenly walks out of the alley, hitting into a few walls in the process.
 Reaching the “street” he looks both ways seeing a light emanating from the few type .2’s currently active in the area.
 He begins to walk down the “street” glancing at the shack’s and passing a few odd lights here and there.
@@ Line 74: / Line 78: @@
 THWAK
 He looked around wondering what the hell the sound was. When he suddenly caught a glimpse of a bolt sticking through his left arm.
 ”CMON! Damn it!”

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:46, 8 January 2010
Line 1:		Line 1:
		+
		+	{{cleanup\|Redesign}}
	<i>[[Lowbie Story Part 2\|To read Part 2 click here...]]</i>		<i>[[Lowbie Story Part 2\|To read Part 2 click here...]]</i>

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:44, 8 January 2010
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	Lowbie ~~story~~	+	<i>[[Lowbie Story Part 2\|To read Part 2 click here...]]</i>
		+
		+	==Lowbie Story==

	The year is 2510AD.		The year is 2510AD.

@@ Line 71: / Line 71: @@
 He looked around wondering what the hell the sound was. When he suddenly caught a glimpse of a bolt sticking through his left arm.
-”CMON!!! Damn it!”
+”CMON! Damn it!”
 Knowing he’d be unable to win this fight with one arm and the attacker hidden, he bolted down one of the alleys, stopping at a grill which he awkwardly removed, took a deep breath and jumped into the open sewer.
 [[Category:Roleplay]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:59, 7 January 2010
Line 73:		Line 73:
	”CMON!!! Damn it!”		”CMON!!! Damn it!”
	Knowing he’d be unable to win this fight with one arm and the attacker hidden, he bolted down one of the alleys, stopping at a grill which he awkwardly removed, took a deep breath and jumped into the open sewer.		Knowing he’d be unable to win this fight with one arm and the attacker hidden, he bolted down one of the alleys, stopping at a grill which he awkwardly removed, took a deep breath and jumped into the open sewer.
		+
		+
		+	[[Category:Roleplay]]

← Older revision	Revision as of 02:59, 7 January 2010
(No difference)

@@ Line 38: / Line 38: @@
 “Revive complete…”
 “Thank you for using X-Corp…”
-“This revive was ordered and paid for by Lord Tyran.”
+“This revive was ordered and paid for by Lord Seraph.”
 The type .2 slowly raised and lazily glided out of the alley, leaving Makk in darkness once again.