Haunted Mansion Stories/03 - Revision history

Will at 14:48, 19 August 2014

2014-08-19T14:48:12Z

Glacieus at 05:00, 22 January 2012

2012-01-22T05:00:47Z

Glacieus: More editing fun

2012-01-22T03:37:44Z

More editing fun

Glacieus: Name fixes continued

2012-01-21T05:41:09Z

Name fixes continued

Show changes

Glacieus: Name fix: dk16/bongo17 (capitalization, full name in Legacy)

2012-01-21T05:25:52Z

Name fix: dk16/bongo17 (capitalization, full name in Legacy)

Show changes

Glacieus: Spelling/Punctuation (to be continued)

2012-01-15T06:00:39Z

Spelling/Punctuation (to be continued)

Simmeh at 18:22, 10 January 2012

2012-01-10T18:22:44Z

Glacieus: minor spelling/ punctuation (will continue...)

2012-01-09T02:15:23Z

minor spelling/ punctuation (will continue...)

Defosage: saving again...will do more later

2011-02-14T13:40:30Z

saving again...will do more later

Show changes

Defosage: saving progress :P

2011-02-14T13:23:37Z

saving progress :P

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:48, 19 August 2014
Line 364:		Line 364:

	THE END		THE END
		+
		+	[[Category: Roleplay]]

@@ Line 125: / Line 125: @@
 Just then elite1, jkjace and KoKo entered the house.
-‘Good now that there are more people here lets get some other players going on some of the other computers’ said Garibaldi... ‘Reloaded, why don’t you go in, and let elite control your player... gannon you be his backup character...’ after Garibaldi had assigned all the players, everyone got to work...
+‘Good now that there are more people here lets get some other players going on some of the other computers’ said Garibaldi... ‘Reloaded, why don’t you go in, and let elite1 control your player... Lord_Gannon, you be his backup character...’ after Garibaldi had assigned all the players, everyone got to work...
 Player list:
@@ Line 132: / Line 132: @@
 PC 3: players: Deeg, KoKo, jkjace - controller: SuperCLG
-Character list: (can buy new cloths and weapons later on)
+Character list: (can buy new clothes and weapons later on)
 dk16: wearing futuristic battle armour (shiny)

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 The crew opened the packet, and the back of the disc shone in their faces.  The crew stared for a moment in wonderment, waiting for dk16 to open the packaging around the disk. He pressed the eject button on the disk drive and slipped the game in, while flaris jumped for the manual. The game had been bought at Joe's Merchandise, a local shop, that sold cool things like matrix clothes and other random items.
-About ten of the crew still had to arrive at the Gangsterz house, which consisted of 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, and several bedrooms and games rooms, most rooms had a computer, run through a network.
+About ten of the crew still had to arrive at the Gangsterz house, which consisted of three bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, and several bedrooms and games rooms, most rooms had a computer, run through a network.
 The game screen popped up:
@@ Line 20: / Line 20: @@
 The disk drive started to flash as the disc loaded up. The game was called "The Haunted Mansion".
 Each player had to enter their characteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. dk16 started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
-The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk16 was no longer sitting in front of it!  He had disappeared!
+The whole computer room became really bright and then, in a split second, went black. The only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk16 was no longer sitting in front of it!  He had disappeared!
-As Garibaldi glanced at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo17 nearly followed him. dk16 was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right... or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
+As Garibaldi glanced the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo17 nearly followed him. dk16 was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew stared in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right... or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
 After a heated argument, the crew decided to press the play button. dk16's fate would have to be decided by the skill of the crew.  They had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
@@ Line 32: / Line 32: @@
 <big><tt>Gates to Hell</tt></big>
-flaris flicked through the manual to find anything that could relate to what had just happened, but had no luck.  At the same time Garibaldi sat up and took hold of the joypad. He took a deep breath and then began to play...
+flaris flicked through the manual to find anything that could relate to what had just happened, but had no luck.  At the same time, Garibaldi sat up and took hold of the joypad. He took a deep breath and then began to play...
@@ Line 124: / Line 124: @@
 ‘Good job flaris!’ chimed bongo17.
-Just then elite1, jkjace and koko entered the house.
+Just then elite1, jkjace and KoKo entered the house.
-‘Good now that there are more people here lets get some other players going on some of the other computers’ said Garibaldi... ‘reloaded, why don’t you go in, and let elite control your player... gannon you be his backup character...’ after Garibaldi had assigned all the players, everyone got to work...
+‘Good now that there are more people here lets get some other players going on some of the other computers’ said Garibaldi... ‘Reloaded, why don’t you go in, and let elite control your player... gannon you be his backup character...’ after Garibaldi had assigned all the players, everyone got to work...
 Player list:
 PC 1: players: dk16, flaris - controller: Garibaldi
-PC 2: players: reloaded, Lord_Gannon, bongo17 - controller: elite1
+PC 2: players: Reloaded, Lord_Gannon, bongo17 - controller: elite1
-PC 3: players: Deeg, koko, jkjace - controller: SuperCLG
+PC 3: players: Deeg, KoKo, jkjace - controller: SuperCLG
 Character list: (can buy new cloths and weapons later on)
@@ Line 243: / Line 243: @@
 Zorg
-the loading sceen appeared
+The loading sceen appeared.
-as did the faces of the characters currently in the game
+As did the faces of the characters currently in the game.
-the new level looked toucher as it showed the level map. more people had arrived now, only the last remaining few, but the one who was still left to come was zorg....
+The new level looked tougher as it showed the level map. All of the remaining crew had arrived, except Zorg who had yet to show up.
-the group didnt rush into playing this level, they sat down and formed a plan, of how they would attack each enemy. VoUght sat down at the monitar, the joypad was gripped firmly in his hand. the level was named
+The group didn't rush into playing this level. They sat down and formed a plan of how they would attack each enemy. Voght sat down at the monitor, the joypad was gripped firmly in his hand. The level was named:
-'the trials of hammu-don'
+'The Trials of Hammu-don'
-the group looked around oddly at each other, while the 256 bit colour characters tried to pull the same expressions, with some agony. the ground was empty infront of them, there looked to be about 10 miles of wasteland, railways, old streambeds, and in general, garbage and concrete.
+The group looked around oddly at each other, while the 256 bit colour characters tried to pull the same expressions, with some agony. The ground was bare. Ahead of them spanned miles of wasteland: railways, old streambeds, ruined concrete and garbage.
-back in the real world, a car pulled up outside, noone could see it, but noone cared at the minute, their concentrations were on the game.
+Back in the real world, a car pulled up outside, but no one noticed as everyone was concentrated on the game.
-vought lost control of character 'koko' for a split second and he ended up getting his leg trapped in a pothole. he lost 24 life, not a very good start to the second level, with dk16 already on his second life, and another man starting to go down, vought paused the game, leaving all the players motionless inside the game.
+Voght lost control of character 'KoKo' for a split second and he ended up getting his leg trapped in a pothole. He lost 24 life! Not a very good start to the second level: with dk16 already on his second life, and another man starting to go down, Voght paused the game, leaving all the players motionless inside the game.
-'im not playing this' he shouted
+'I'm not playing this!' he shouted.
-'you have to' said a voice from the background
+'You have to.' said a voice from the background.
-'but, i dont want any of these guys's lives resting on my consciense'
+'But, I dont want any of these guys' lives resting on my conscience.'
-'look vought, theres no debate about it, your the only one of us who has any idea ofplaying games like this, alll the others are all inside the computer'
+'Look Voght, there's no debate about it, you're the only one of us who has any idea of playing games like this. Everyone else is inside the computer.'
-'ok, look, as soon as one character looses a life, im out of it'
+'Ok, look, as soon as one character loses a life, I'm out of it.'
 'ok' chorused the room
-vought sat down again, the game now looked tougher than ever
+Voght sat down again, the game now looked tougher than ever
 he flicked the enter button resuming the game, and then came another birght flash of light and was warped into the game, landing as a default character, 3 lives, and sporting a curled mullet, with a metal pole as a weapon. the fall into the game had cost him 17 life, which was, once again, not the start he could have hoped for.
@@ Line 355: / Line 355: @@
 The whole group was standing there thinking about what had to be done, just as dubya the hotel manager came through the service door up to the roof screaming “they did not check out, you killed them all!” after he was done yelling Garibaldi leveled his kalashnikov and sent a single round though dubya’s shoulder. Instnctivly dk16, flaris, and bongo17 ran to help, as Garibaldi motioned the others to get into the chopper. The engine started up and the bird picked off the ground leaving the three behind. Nicto10 tapped Garibaldi on the shoulder asking.
-“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
+“Aren’t you forgetting something?” asked Nicto10.
-“Oh yes, thanks for reminding me.”
+“Oh, yes. Thanks for reminding me.” replied Garibaldi.
-Garibaldi again picked up the rifle and fired from the sky, one round right through dubya’s head. The chopper continued on for a few minutes as everyone’s final score was calculated, and the game credits rolled . There was a bright flash as they saw themselves rushing through circuts, and shot out of the computers floppy drive and reunited with those who were not computerized. It was a happy re-union, especially since flaris was not there.
+Garibaldi again picked up the rifle and fired from the sky, one round right through dubya’s head. The chopper continued on for a few minutes as everyone’s final score was calculated, and the game credits rolled. There was a bright flash as they saw themselves rushing through circuts, and shot out of the computers floppy drive and reunited with those who were not computerized. It was a happy re-union, especially since flaris was not there.
 THE END

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-Ok, i had a good idea and I've forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crappy. But, it can be developed further. I'm sorry
+Ok, I had a good idea and I've forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crappy. But, it can be developed further. I'm sorry.
 blueflag.gif
-here goes.......
+Here goes.......
@@ Line 14: / Line 14: @@
 The game screen popped up:
-<big><tt>Installation complete! Please restart your PC to continue</tt></big>
+<big><tt>Installation complete! Please restart your PC to continue.</tt></big>
-Bongo17 jumped for the restart button and the computer screen flashed on and off
+Bongo17 jumped for the restart button and the computer screen flashed on and off.
 <big><tt>Welcome to Windows G2.</tt></big>
@@ Line 23: / Line 23: @@
 Each player had to enter their characteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. Dk16 started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
 The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk16 was no longer sitting in front of it!  He had disappeared!
-As Garibaldi glanced at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo nearly followed him. Dk16 was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right... or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
+As Garibaldi glanced at the screen, he fell over backwards, and Bongo17 nearly followed him. Dk16 was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right... or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
-After a heated argument, the crew decided to press the play button. Dk's fate would have to be decided by the skill of the crew.  They had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
+After a heated argument, the crew decided to press the play button. Dk17's fate would have to be decided by the skill of the crew.  They had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
 On the top of the screen it read:
@@ Line 30: / Line 30: @@
 <big><tt>Life: 100/100 Money: $100 Weapon: Blade</tt></big>
-and then the level name flashed up
+Then the level name flashed up:
 <big><tt>Gates to Hell</tt></big>
@@ Line 79: / Line 79: @@
 'Nooooo!' cried out Deeg in agony. 'It was nice knowing you, dk."
-'I cant do it! Someone else, please take the joystick.' complained Garibaldi.
+'I cant do it! Someone else... please... take the joystick.' complained Garibaldi.
 As the group were yelling and complaining, flaris entered the room. 'Hey, I'll do it! These guys probably sound even better live!! How do you play?'
@@ Line 122: / Line 122: @@
-this isn’t good’ said Reloaded... ‘dk just lost a life, on the first level’ angry.gif ‘good job Flaris!’ chimed bongo17.
+'This isn’t good’ said Reloaded... ‘dk just lost a life, on the first level’ angry.gif ‘good job Flaris!’ chimed bongo17.
 Just then elite1, jkjace and koko entered the house.
 ‘Good now that there are more people here lets get some other players going on some of the other computers’ said garibaldi... ‘reloaded, why don’t you go in, and let elite control your player... gannon you be his backup character...’ after garibaldi had assigned all the players, everyone got to work...
@@ Line 157: / Line 157: @@
 life: 100/100 x3 money: $100 weapon: pen
-dk, reloaded, flaris, bongo and the others entered the gates to the Good Charlotte concert... suddenly the people controlling the characters saw letters flashing on their screens ‘TRAINING; rioting fans are attacking you... PRESS ‘T’ TO PUNCH... PRESS ‘Y’ TO ACTIVATE SELECTED ITEM... USE THE ‘ARROW KEYS’ TO SCROLL THROUGH AVAILABLE ITEMS... PRESS ‘O’ TO ACTIVATE SHIELD (10 second limit)... PRESS ‘G’ TO KICK...’
+dk16, Reloaded, flaris, Bongo17 and the others entered the gates to the Good Charlotte concert... suddenly the people controlling the characters saw letters flashing on their screens ‘TRAINING; rioting fans are attacking you... PRESS ‘T’ TO PUNCH... PRESS ‘Y’ TO ACTIVATE SELECTED ITEM... USE THE ‘ARROW KEYS’ TO SCROLL THROUGH AVAILABLE ITEMS... PRESS ‘O’ TO ACTIVATE SHIELD (10 second limit)... PRESS ‘G’ TO KICK...’
-inside the game the characters began attacking the rioting fans... after each had killed 10 the screen read ‘TRAINING COMPLETE’ and went black... after that it read: LOADING... when the image appeared on the screen the characters were all standing in the middle of a small virtual city containing 1 item shop, 1 tavern, 1 clothing store, 1 blacksmith’s shop (makes weapons), and a book store... it also had a number of houses belonging to other players in the game...
+Inside the game the characters began attacking the rioting fans... after each had killed 10 the screen read ‘TRAINING COMPLETE’ and went black... after that it read: LOADING... When the image appeared on the screen the characters were all standing in the middle of a small virtual city containing 1 item shop, 1 tavern, 1 clothing store, 1 blacksmith’s shop (makes weapons), and a book store... it also had a number of houses belonging to other players in the game...
 Survivors:

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:22, 10 January 2012
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	~~{{cleanup\|formatting, spelling, grammar, chapters split, etc}}~~
−
	Ok, i had a good idea and I've forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crappy. But, it can be developed further. I'm sorry		Ok, i had a good idea and I've forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crappy. But, it can be developed further. I'm sorry

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{cleanup|formatting, spelling, grammar, chapters split, etc}}
-ok, i had a good idea and ive forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crap. but it can be developed further. im sorry
+Ok, i had a good idea and I've forgotten it, so the story has turned out short and crappy. But, it can be developed further. I'm sorry
 blueflag.gif
@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 THE HAUNTED COMPUTER GAME
-The crew opened the packet, and the back of the disc shone in their faces.  The crew stared for a second in wonderment, waiting for dk to open the packaging around the disk. He pressed the eject button on the disk drive and slipped the game in, while flaris jumped for the manual. The game had been bought at Joe's Merchandise, a local shop, that sold cool things like matrix clothes and other random items.
+The crew opened the packet, and the back of the disc shone in their faces.  The crew stared for a moment in wonderment, waiting for dk16 to open the packaging around the disk. He pressed the eject button on the disk drive and slipped the game in, while flaris jumped for the manual. The game had been bought at Joe's Merchandise, a local shop, that sold cool things like matrix clothes and other random items.
 About ten of the crew still had to arrive at the Gangsterz house, which consisted of 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, and several bedrooms and games rooms, most rooms had a computer, run through a network.
@@ Line 22: / Line 22: @@
 <big><tt>Welcome to Windows G2.</tt></big>
-The disk drive started to flash as the disc loaded up. the game was called "The Haunted Mansion".
+The disk drive started to flash as the disc loaded up. The game was called "The Haunted Mansion".
-Each player had to enter their characteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. Dk started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
+Each player had to enter their characteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. Dk16 started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
-The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk was no longer sitting in front of it.  He had disappeared.
+The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk16 was no longer sitting in front of it!  He had disappeared!
-As Garibaldi stared at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo nearly followed him. dk was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right...or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
+As Garibaldi glanced at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo nearly followed him. Dk16 was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right... or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
 After a heated argument, the crew decided to press the play button. Dk's fate would have to be decided by the skill of the crew.  They had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
@@ Line 69: / Line 69: @@
 'Garibaldi, let me play!  Let me play!' yelled out Bongo17 in excitement.
-'Bongo, this is serious. We're not sure what will happen to dk if he dies in the game.  We have to try and beat the game. That may be our only hope.' replied garibaldi in a serious voice.
+'Bongo, this is serious. We're not sure what will happen to dk if he dies in the game.  We have to try and beat the game. That may be our only hope.' replied Garibaldi in a serious voice.
-The crew anxiously waited for the first level to load. So far, only bongo17, garibaldi, reloaded, lord-gannon, SuperCLG and deeg were in the room. The others would arrive soon.
+The crew anxiously waited for the first level to load. So far, only Bongo17, Garibaldi, Reloaded, Lord-gannon, SuperCLG and Deeg were in the room. The others would arrive soon.
-The level soon was finished loading, and the words <big><tt>Level 1: Gates to Hell</tt></big> flashed across the screen. There was a short moment of silence after the first level was revealed to the group.
+The level had finished loading, and the words <big><tt>Level 1: Gates to Hell</tt></big> flashed across the screen. There was a short moment of silence after the first level was revealed to the group.
-'Oh my god...' whispered Lord-Gannon in shock. 'dk16 is doomed.'
+'Oh my God...' whispered Lord-Gannon in shock. 'dk16 is doomed.'
 The level consisted of one giant building. A sign over the entrance read 'Buy your tickets here for Good Charlotte live in concert!!'
-'NoooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOOooo!' cried out Deeg in agony. 'It was nice knowing you, dk."
+'Nooooo!' cried out Deeg in agony. 'It was nice knowing you, dk."
 'I cant do it! Someone else, please take the joystick.' complained Garibaldi.

@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 THE HAUNTED COMPUTER GAME
-the crew opened the packet, and the back of the disc shone in their faces, in wonderment, the crew stared for a second, waiting for dk to open the packaging around the disk. He pressed the eject button on the disk drive, and slipped the game in, while flaris jumped for the manual. The game had been bought at Joes Merchandise, a local shop, that sold cool things, like matrix clothes and other randoom items
+The crew opened the packet, and the back of the disc shone in their faces.  The crew stared for a second in wonderment, waiting for dk to open the packaging around the disk. He pressed the eject button on the disk drive and slipped the game in, while flaris jumped for the manual. The game had been bought at Joe's Merchandise, a local shop, that sold cool things like matrix clothes and other random items.
-About ten of the crew still had to arrive at the gangsterz house, the house consisted of 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, and several bedrooms and games rooms, moost rooms had a computer, run through a network.
+About ten of the crew still had to arrive at the gangsterz house, which consisted of 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, and several bedrooms and games rooms, most rooms had a computer, run through a network.
-The game screen popped up
+The game screen popped up:
-"installation complete! Please restart your pc to continue"
+<big><code>installation complete! Please restart your PC to continue</code></big>
 Bongo jumped for the restart button and the computer screen flashed on and off
-"welcome to windows g2."
+<big><code>Welcome to Windows g2.</code></big>
-The disk drive started to flash as the disc loaded up. the game was called "the haunted mansion".
+The disk drive started to flash as the disc loaded up. the game was called "The Haunted Mansion".
-Each player had to enter their caracteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. Dk started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
+Each player had to enter their characteristics, and decide what they wanted to look like in the game. Dk started entering his characteristics, and then pressed the enter button
-The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk wasnt sat infront of it, he had disappeared.
+The whole computer room became really bright and then in a split second went black, the only thing that was visible was the glow from the computer screen, but dk was no longer sitting in front of it.  He had disappeared.
-As garibaldi stared at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo nearly followed him. dk was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. the crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right, or was it, was the game meant to be like this?
+As garibaldi stared at the screen, he fell over backwards, and bongo nearly followed him. dk was on the screen, looking out at them, wearing what he had chosen in the options menu. The crew looked in amazment, and then realised it wasnt right...or was it?  Was the game meant to be like this?
-After arguments, the crew decided to press the play button. Dk's fate may have to be decided on the skill of the crew, they had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
+After a heated argument, the crew decided to press the play button. Dk's fate would have to be decided by the skill of the crew.  They had to play the game, and his life depended on it.
-on the top of the screen it read
+On the top of the screen it read:
-"life: 100/100 money: $100 weapon: Blade"
+<big><code>life: 100/100 money: $100 weapon: Blade</code></big>
 and then the level name flashed up
-"Gates to Hell"
+<big><code>Gates to Hell</code></big>
-Flaris flicked through the manual to find anything that could relate to what had just happened, but had no luck, at the same time garibaldi sat up and took hold of the joypad. he took a deep breath and then began to play........
+Flaris flicked through the manual to find anything that could relate to what had just happened, but had no luck.  At the same time garibaldi sat up and took hold of the joypad. He took a deep breath and then began to play...
-Survivors:
+{| align="center" border=1 style="border-style: dotted; border-color:2133FF; border-width: 0.5px 0px 0px 0px;" cellpadding="6" valign="top"
+! colspan="5"| Survivors:
--Jake-
+|-
-Bongo17
+! Name !! Status !! Name !! Status
-cheeza
+|-
-Deeg
+| -Jake- || - || kingtangso || -
-dk16 - computerised
+|-
-elite1
+| Bongo17 || - || KoKo || -
-flaris
+|-
-Garibaldi
+| cheeza || - || Lord_Gannon || -
-jkjace
+|-
-jkjace2
+| Deeg || - || Nicto10 || -
-Jonjo
+|-
-kingtangso
+| dk16 || computerised || Reloaded|| -
-KoKo
+|-
-Lord_Gannon
+| elite1 || - || silver1490 || -
-Nicto10
+|-
-Reloaded
+| flaris || - || sk8er|| -
-silver1490
+|-
-sk8er
+| Garibaldi || - || Sk8ergirl || -
-Sk8ergirl
+|-
-SuperCLG
+| jkjace || - || SuperCLG || -
-Voght
+|-
-ZorgCLG
+| jkjace2 || - || Voght || -
+|-
 'Garibaldi, let me play!! let me play!!' yelled out bongo17 in excitement.